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Help to Thrive

25September

What you say and think really does affect how you feel

Say what you mean for better mental health

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Self talk: Use Your Inner Voice For Good!

How often does the voice in your head tell you off for something you’ve said or done? It’s no accident that the cliché goes: you are your own worst enemy. For many of us, that voice is harsher than any other – and when it tells you that you are stupid, embarrassing, useless or worthless, you believe it.

That is the power of self-talk.

Since you probably know how miserable and destructive this negative thinking is, imagine what it would feel like if you used your inner voice for good. Instead of sending you off in a spiral of negativity, how would it feel if your self-talk was positive, encouraging and motivating?

I work with clients every day who are on a journey to start thinking in a helpful way. First, you have to identify the kinds of negative thinking you are probably engaged in already. They include brooding, being obsessive, catastrophizing situations, being overly negative and demanding perfection from yourself. In fact, perfection is a good place to start because it’s counterproductive and stops you for having new experiences.

Imagine having to learn something new – whether its sewing or sky-diving or whatever. In learning, it’s almost impossible to be perfect from day one. But if you are hell-bent on being perfect at everything you do, the thought of trying something far outside your comfort zone fills you with fear. So you don’t do it.

It’s a terrible shame because you are missing out. When you make a mistake – whether it’s in trying something new or not – you will learn something. Mistakes are memorable experiences that help us learn and grow.

So, don’t listen to that negative voice inside your head. Break free, get out there and try something completely new. And when you inevitably make a mistake, make sure you tell yourself that this is how you learn and grow, and cheer yourself on to bigger and brighter things.

Words of wisdom

“You can’t get it right first time, every time. Life just isn’t like that.”

Albert Einstein.

If it’s good enough for the creator of modern physics, it’s good enough for us. Einstein proved what a human being can accomplish if they have the will to learn, make mistakes and the mental strength to push themselves forward. Why not follow in his exalted footsteps?

Posted in Help to Thrive

04May

A lifelong fear of birds resolved in a month!

A lifelong fear of birds resolved in a month!

Our Fears and Phobias can be debilitating but there is hope

 Here is Cecilia's story so far.....

I received this testimonial for a client Cecilia Holden recently who had a life long fear of birds. 

Two years ago she came to me because she knew that her own particular issues were getting in the way of her living a happy, fulfilled life and a successful business. We worked together through The Thrive Programme and the changes she made at the time was very good. She subsequently made the changes in her life that she wanted to, having felt unable to do this previously. Having done this she began to feel much better about herself.

However there was one thing that she hadn't felt able to tackle and that was her FEAR of BIRDS. 

Cecilia contacted me again recently and she said that she now wanted to do something about it. We had two Thrive sessions by Skype and you can hear in her words,the pride she has in her achievement.

I am extremely proud of her and the work that she has done. My pride however is minute in comparison to her own. 

Cecilia writes:

"Pretty much anyone who knows me has had to "deal with" a bird for me at some point, and maybe also stop me doing something stupid to xavoid a bird. Like screaming my head off or throwing someone at the bird or running into a 4 lane carriageway of traffic because I thought it was safer than the bird. This photo proves you really can best your phobias with Kate's help. Ok I don't look comfortable but hey, I'm still stood there aren't I? This photo was taken a month ago and I've been celebrating little victories ever since. Tonight I walked straight past a crow. Straight past it!!!!! I've got a big birthday this year and I have set myself a whole host of sporting goals to achieve before I hit 50. But beating this surpasses the lot of them. Thank you Kate, you're a legend. xxx

Posted in Help to Thrive

18February

What to do after Valentines Day

How to build your self esteem

As the excitement of Valentines day dwindles, the roses begin to fade, chocolates and wine have been consumed and relationships settle back into the everyday, I wonder how many are now feeling deflated, no longer feeling good about themselves, as life begins to look mundane once again. 
Phrases such as self esteem or self worth refer to how you feel about yourself. What difference would it make to you if you felt good about yourself every day. If you don't feel good about yourself but would like to, you can find some suggestions on ways to build your self esteem in my recent news letter. Kelly, R (2011) Thrive; Health, Happiness, Success 69- 85

Posted in Help to Thrive

08April

Mean what you say ....say what you mean!

Mind your Language

Oi! You! Mind your language! Wash your mouth out! 

No, not that sort of language… 

Learning to ‘mind your language’ is an important part of The Thrive Programme as it has a big impact on your mental wellbeing. 

When we change our words we can change our minds.

Even a friendly chat gives us a window onto your thoughts and beliefs.

Posted in Help to Thrive

21February

Have you ever thought of yourself as doing fine, but wish you could do a bit better?

 BY LISTENING TO OTHERS YOU CAN LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF

I am  regularly meeting people who are just like this. They are getting along with their lives doing all that they expect of themselves and all that they think others want them to do, but they just don't rate themselves at all. They will say things like, "oh I'm nothing special" or "well that's what dads do"

I am writing this whilst I am on the train. It's full of people going about their everyday lives. Some are business people, some retired on a day out. Others are mothers and children; it is half term and they are going to have an adventure.  There's a granny and there's a lady... She's on the phone and she is having a deep conversation with Jo. I don't like to eaves drop but it's difficult as she is sitting opposite me and speaking loudly.

Posted in Help to Thrive

29July

Its all to do with choice!

embrace for the day

Todays tweet is " #12oclocktip The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regrding the attitude we will embrace for the day" Charels Swindoll .

Born in 1938, Charles Swindoll became infuluential in his later life and is known for his work, "Insight for living". Interestingly Swindoll had a severe stammer when he was younger but got over it and became an acumplished musician as well as an oritor.

Posted in Help to Thrive

15July

Ask the right questions - get interesting answers!

What are the benefits of the Thrive programme - One clients response to this question

What problem were you facing that working with through the Thrive programme has helped you?

I had Emetophobia, that's a fear of being sick or seeing or hearing someone else be sick.

How much time has working throughout the Thrive programme saved you?   Have you found that you’re more efficient or that  you don’t procrastinate or spend time worrying.

Yes I have lots of time, and energy, energy that I used to waste on obsessively thinking about things that might happen.

Have you found that working through the Thrive programme has helped you to make your life easier and how has it become easier?

Life is so much more enjoyable now. Not only because I have dealt with the emetophobia, but the Thrive programme has given me the skills to deal with just about anything in life.

What did you like about working with me?  What do you like about the experience of working through the Thrive Programme with me?

You are so easy to talk to, non-judgemental and understanding. You treated me as an individual – responding to my specific needs. We went through the book step-by-step, and you explained everything clearly and concisely and went back over points if necessary.

Were you pleasantly surprised by any part of your experience of working together/ working through the Thrive programme?

That the focus was not on emetophobia, that my issue was not all about being sick – that a phobia is an unhelpful thinking style. The Thrive programme covered many different topics, such as personality and thinking styles and how they were all interlinked. I was especially surprised to learn that self-esteem is something that can be improved really quite easily.

What did you find remarkable about working through the Thrive Programme?

It was about how obvious, logical, sensible the information/advise in the Thrive book was. The information in the book is backed up by research studies and the reference list made it easy to access these. It also helped with my IBS symptoms and feelings of nausea became less frequent. It also taught me the importance of psychology for health and wellbeing, and the Thrive programme’s potential for helping many different people / issues /situations.

What is the most important thing that other people should know about working with me/working through the Thrive Programme?

Its that you will not be ‘cured’ over-night, or maybe even 6 months later. It takes continuous hard work and dedication. But most importantly that it can, and will, change your life.

Would you recommend me to your friends, families or co-workers?

Yes I would recommend you to other people an I have done already.You are lovely to work with, and have extensive knowledge and the skills and experience to help anyone that walks in to your clinic.

Do you have any other thoughts or comments?

Yes, I now see the Thrive Programme as a way of life. Kate , I can't thank you enough for all your help and encouragement.

Interesting reading don't you think?

Posted in Help to Thrive

31August

A New Perspective on Grief

Thrive with Kate Patterson
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Learn to control your mind monkeys...
 

Find a new perspective on grief

The death of a loved one presents the biggest emotional challenge most of us will ever face.

Recently, I've gone through my own profound experience of grief as I looked after my former mother-in-law in the final days of her life.I want to share with you how I've coped and used the Thrive programme to deal with the maelstrom of emotions our family has been caught up in.

 

 

Why was I there?

You may think it's strange that I was there for the mother of my ex-husband, but we had a close bond during the 25 years I was her daughter-in-law.

Sadly, my first husband now has terminal cancer, so I stepped in to support his dying mother in his place, alongside her daughter.

Peaceful and serene

We worked hard to keep everything peaceful and serene, letting this extraordinary lady who loved fashion, music and colour live out her last days in comfort.

We held her hands, talked to her about old times and sang gently as she took her last breaths. It was deeply emotional, terribly sad and exhausting. But what struck me was how I'm able to use what I'd learned during the Thrive programme to manage my feelings.

Lessons learned

I know my emotions are my own and I can take responsibility for them. Instead of dwelling on guilt, hurt and time lost following my divorce from her son, I can choose to focus on the lovely times we shared together.

My attitude can match hers, and I can smile thinking of her funeral - the day the mourners filled a church with so much colour that a bystander would assume it was a wedding, just as she wanted.

Of course, you will feel deep grief when someone you love dies. But you are not powerless against that grief. Taking responsibility for our emotions empowers us, and if I want to feel sad, I know that it's OK to give in to that but not allow it to overwhelm me. I can also choose to reflect positively on my mother-in-law's life and everything we meant to each other.

If you need help...

If you need more help and advice on how best to manage difficult emotions, please call me on 07747 186670 or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. I'll show you how the Thrive Programme can teach you the skills to cope.

Help with bereavement

For someone to talk to: Cruse bereavement

For support for people bereaved by suicide: Facing the Future

If you want to be proactive and learn how to be the best version of yourself - so that when life's unexpected events happen you have all the skills to hand and don't need to feel overwhelmed - contact Thrive with Kate

Food for thought

When Todd first came to me, he was in despair.

Although he was a talented chef, he had a terrible gambling problem, and it was ruining his professional and personal life.

He no longer had access to credit or debit cards but would use his wages to go out and gamble between shifts at the restaurant.

His partner was preparing to leave him and planned to take their young children with her.

We worked through the Thrive Programme together, and after six sessions, Todd said to me, "I now believe in myself, and I feel that I can achieve anything."

His attitude and outlook had changed, and he felt ready to put his life back together.

Skype Sessions

Great news for people who want Thrive Programme™ consultations but can't meet face-to-face! I can now offer sessions via Skype.

Contact me for more information by calling 07747 186670 or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

 

 

T: 07747 186670
E: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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Posted in Help to Thrive

28April

The Importance of Self Esteem

What everyone should know.

The Importance of Self Esteem

Self-esteem is perhaps the most under-valued part of what makes up our mental health. At worst, it can lead you to do things you’d never normally consider doing – poor relationship choice, drinking heavily and substance abuse are classic symptoms of low self-esteem – but at best it can propel you to achievements and courses of action that are immeasurably good for your well-being. Self-esteem is a powerful tool for good, or bad.

Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself. It’s your overall view of you as a person, good or bad. A self-critique, if you like. Naturally, if you have a negative view of yourself, your self-esteem will be low and you won’t be maximising the opportunities life throws at you. Apply for that dream job? No point, says the person with low self-esteem, you’ll never get it. And don’t even think about asking that person you like out for a drink!

But, developing and maintaining a strong self-esteem is entirely possible, even if you consider yourself a lifelong sufferer of low self-esteem. Although our self-esteem is a product of the recent experiences in life and the way we’ve processed them – negative experiences and a subsequent negative thought process will inevitably lead to low self-esteem - it is entirely possible to reprogram yourself into processing these experiences differently.

The key here is to recognise that low self-esteem isn’t due to the negative events, but the way we’ve processed them. Not getting a job you interviewed for might be a negative experience on the face of it, but it only becomes so when you’ve thought about it in such a way that it becomes a dent in our self-esteem: “I’m not good enough…” or “I’ll never get the job I want…” Now switch that around: “They’re missing out as I have lots to offer, and another company will recognise this soon…”

The example that has stuck in my mind since I completed the Thrive Programme, a lot of which is based around the issue of self-esteem, is that of a Vietnam War-era US pilot called Jim Stockdale. Stockdale was captured and held as POW for a number of years in terrible conditions with little hope for release, and you might think that these events had an irrevocably negative effect on his life.

However, in his own words: “I never lost faith in the end of the story, I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.” 

The way Stockdale processed these events is an extreme example, but shows that it’s often not the experience that has the damaging effect, but the thoughts processes that come along for the ride too. Change the process, change the outcome, change your self-esteem.

Stockdale retired a Vice Admiral in the 70s and went on to be a Vice-President candidate in the 90s. Do you think he could’ve done all this if suffering from low self-esteem borne out of his earlier experiences and being constantly reminded of them at home (he became quite famous when he returned)?

So, on a daily basis I pick out three things that really matter to me – family, work and personal life, for example – and take a few minutes to process the positive aspects of each one from the past two weeks (your self-esteem is roughly based on events, experiences and thought processes from this recent history).

For example, I went to help my sister in law as her mum has become very poorly – I process this as spending quality time with a much-loved person in my life. I’m even smiling as I write this, and I’ve just added another brick into my wall of self-esteem. But I also tried to sort out one of those pesky IT problems and failed miserably, again,  I could process this as a negative – a brick missing from my wall. Instead, I think of it as an opportunity to learn a new skill – a positive experience in anyone’s book. Brick added.

Think of your self-esteem as a wall, with positive thought processes  (even in the face of seemingly negative events) adding bricks and mortar to the wall, which underpins your general mental health. With each brick it becomes stronger, bigger - less prone to crumbling. You’re literally building self-esteem and all that goes along with it; confidence, self-worth, having a positive outlook. Generally thriving.

Understanding self-esteem is key in understanding yourself. Negative thought processes can leave your self-esteem in tatters, but using the above technique and others developed by Rob Kelly can empower you to take control of this aspect of your mental health. It’s not that difficult as your new way of thinking becomes your new habit as you process events in a way that adds to your self-esteem. Very soon that wall will be indestructible!

If you'd like have amazing self-esteem in just six weeks, then please call  me on 07747186670 or if you prefer email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. Im very happy to have a chat .

Kate

Posted in Help to Thrive

21November

As the saying goes, "Don't put off to tomorrow, what you can do today!"

Just do it!

How do you feel about yourself when you have something to do that you don't want to? You find yourself putting things time and time again. You most likely will be saying things like "I should be doing this" "I should be doing that". 
I was having the very same conversation with my trainee this morning. In fact we ended up about talking about cleaning the bathroom! Actually we could have been talking about lots of different things like making difficult phone calls, working on business plans, studying for exams or doing our tax returns. The same mind set applies to all of these situations, we expect to find it difficult either practically or emotionally. If we tend to think in absolute, black or white sort of terms, as my client was this morning, we tend to criticise ourselves readily and worry about not being able to get it all done. 
This morning we decided on " Just do it " and Little and often" as a useful strategies for my trainee.  
If you waste a lot of your valuable time putting things off that you really want to do for yourself, your family, friends or your business then give me a call now 07747186770 . I can show you how you can be more productive ..... and feel so much better about yourself.
http://addicted2success.com/…/how-to-turn-procrastination-…/

Posted in Help to Thrive

08April

Self Esteem as a Key to Weight Management

Thinking of summer? This will help be there person you want to be.

Are you on first name terms with your muffin-top? 

Bingo wings in a flap? 

Or on a mission to put on a few pounds and get back into the ‘healthy’ range?

Research shows that high self-esteem is significant in helping you to achieve weight-related goals. Psychologists believe it’s our reaction to setbacks that will determine our eventual success.

Posted in Help to Thrive

06August

I love listening to the radio

Its amazing what you learn just be listening

I was listening to my radio this afternoon and I caught a few moments of a programme called Inside Health on Radio 4 They were talking about how important it is for medical professionals to be curious about the reason why some interventions work and other don't and why things happen that cant be explained.

Posted in Help to Thrive

17March

A blog Kate Patterson

#12o'clock tips

You may have noticed that I regularly tweet  #12o'clock tips and I thought that it would be a good idea to add them here too. These tips are to be a gentle reminder of the things that you can do to make a difference to the way you live your life. They may be profound, they may be funny but they will always be useful. Enjoy!

Posted in Help to Thrive

04November

Flying High with the Thrive Programme

Cure your Emetophobia and Thrive with The Thrive Programme

This Guest Blog is by my colleagues at www.emetophobia.co.uk

As you have found yourself looking for help with Emetophobia, it is likely that you are realising that you’re fear of being sick or anything to do with anyone else being sick is fairly extreme and getting in the way of how you want to live your life. You are very likely to be missing out on doing things “just in case” you or some other random person around you may be sick and  you’ll spend a lot of time worrying and avoiding those situations that you find intolerable.

The good thing though is that you are not alone.

We use Thrive philosophy to help people who have emetophobia and I have helped people of all ages from grandparents to teenagers to cure their emetophobia and Thrive.

This blog explains very simply how people make the changes they want to. 

Posted in Help to Thrive

Applied Positive Psychology

Norfolk

  • Thetford
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Suffolk

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Cambridgeshire

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