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Help to Thrive

18May

Revolution In The Head

Retirement and beyond

May I introduce you to John. John had been a hard-working farmer all his life and had recently retired. He found his change in circumstances very difficult to deal with, even losing all interest in his lifelong passion for music. This may sound familiar to those of you who have recently retired yourselves. If we've always relied on the things we've done as a way of recognising our sense of self-worth and that ends we can feel valueless. 

This is John's story.

Beatle fans like me, don’t expect to find life hard going, all that great music should keep anyone happy. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough this time though. Trouble came, as trouble does, and with thin defenses, I was rocky at the end of the year, rock bottom soon after. “Acute anxiety” the doctor called it. I didn’t want to talk, hardly able to mumble “Help”,“I’m Down”“ I’m So Tired” or “Nowhere Man"

I started to work through The Thrive Programme, and began to find some hope. I started to grasp that there is a better way to live and there could be a better version of me. By March, I started to hum “Love Me Do”, “We Can Work It Out” and  “Getting Better all the time.”I’ve learned that being kinder to yourself and valuing yourself is important. It’s not about being self-centered, or “I’m alright Jack”,  Thriving is about being more robust, less fragile, more reliable, more up for life. I learned how to be a more resilient person who is nicer to be around, better able to contribute to life and by April I was singing “Here Comes The Sun” “I Feel Fine” “I Will”, even“Any Time At All”!

 

What a body of work The Thrive Programme is! I had intended to mark the relevant pieces in the book as I read through it but ended up just about marked it all. The book is 180 pages of wisdom, insight knowledge and guidance, that once you’ve read it, feels like common sense.

 

Managing my thinking, a simple idea but a new to me has alone changed my life. As I became more careful about the way I was thinking I went from despair to repair, worried and low, to get up and go, and the amazing thing is that it didn’t take long. I know I’ll read The Thrive Programme book again, many times.

I’ll never be superstitious again either  - 13  song titles included here! 

I can’t thank Rob Kelly, and his team, enough. “When I’m 64is my song of the moment, but the last one is “Thank you Girl” to the wonderful Kate Patterson. Her insight astounded me and made me laugh, and her kindness gave me back some faith in human nature.

I’ve only ever read one other book more than once in my life, a book that covers every Beatle song and how each was put together; to me its genius at work - I love that book. It’s the title though that is apt here  - “Revolution In The Head”. The Thrive Programme is up there with the best!

Posted in Help to Thrive

03January

New Year, New You?

New Year, New You?

 The New Year is often the time we try and make positive changes in our lives but I wonder, how many times have you tried and given up a few days into your new regime? If you are serious about making positive changes you want to, choosing The Thrive Programme will show you how to make those changes that will affect your life now and last a lifetime.

The Thrive Programme itself a unique positive psychology training and coaching programme which takes between 6 - 10 hours to complete and will equip you with all of the skills you need to Thrive. It is suitable for everyone who wants to feel great about themselves but doesn’t know how.

It has proven to be very effective for those who want to lose weight, stop gambling or stop smoking, those who want to eliminate their fears and phobias, such as a fear of flying, exams or being sick, those who want to get back in control of their emotions associated with anxiety, depression and stress and those who attempt to control everything in their life because of their eating disorder such as emetophobia, bulimia and IBS.

If you don't feel great about yourself and your lack of confidence in your own abilities is getting in the way of you having a healthy, successful and happy life then The Thrive Programme would be ideal for you.

 

General information: Clinics in Ely, Cambridgeshire, and Woolpit, Suffolk. Skype sessions also available. Ring 07747186670, email or message for a free initial, no obligation consultation.

 

Posted in Help to Thrive

31August

A New Perspective on Grief

Thrive with Kate Patterson
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Find a new perspective on grief

The death of a loved one presents the biggest emotional challenge most of us will ever face.

Recently, I've gone through my own profound experience of grief as I looked after my former mother-in-law in the final days of her life.I want to share with you how I've coped and used the Thrive programme to deal with the maelstrom of emotions our family has been caught up in.

 

 

Why was I there?

You may think it's strange that I was there for the mother of my ex-husband, but we had a close bond during the 25 years I was her daughter-in-law.

Sadly, my first husband now has terminal cancer, so I stepped in to support his dying mother in his place, alongside her daughter.

Peaceful and serene

We worked hard to keep everything peaceful and serene, letting this extraordinary lady who loved fashion, music and colour live out her last days in comfort.

We held her hands, talked to her about old times and sang gently as she took her last breaths. It was deeply emotional, terribly sad and exhausting. But what struck me was how I'm able to use what I'd learned during the Thrive programme to manage my feelings.

Lessons learned

I know my emotions are my own and I can take responsibility for them. Instead of dwelling on guilt, hurt and time lost following my divorce from her son, I can choose to focus on the lovely times we shared together.

My attitude can match hers, and I can smile thinking of her funeral - the day the mourners filled a church with so much colour that a bystander would assume it was a wedding, just as she wanted.

Of course, you will feel deep grief when someone you love dies. But you are not powerless against that grief. Taking responsibility for our emotions empowers us, and if I want to feel sad, I know that it's OK to give in to that but not allow it to overwhelm me. I can also choose to reflect positively on my mother-in-law's life and everything we meant to each other.

If you need help...

If you need more help and advice on how best to manage difficult emotions, please call me on 07747 186670 or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. I'll show you how the Thrive Programme can teach you the skills to cope.

Help with bereavement

For someone to talk to: Cruse bereavement

For support for people bereaved by suicide: Facing the Future

If you want to be proactive and learn how to be the best version of yourself - so that when life's unexpected events happen you have all the skills to hand and don't need to feel overwhelmed - contact Thrive with Kate

Food for thought

When Todd first came to me, he was in despair.

Although he was a talented chef, he had a terrible gambling problem, and it was ruining his professional and personal life.

He no longer had access to credit or debit cards but would use his wages to go out and gamble between shifts at the restaurant.

His partner was preparing to leave him and planned to take their young children with her.

We worked through the Thrive Programme together, and after six sessions, Todd said to me, "I now believe in myself, and I feel that I can achieve anything."

His attitude and outlook had changed, and he felt ready to put his life back together.

Skype Sessions

Great news for people who want Thrive Programme™ consultations but can't meet face-to-face! I can now offer sessions via Skype.

Contact me for more information by calling 07747 186670 or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

 

 

T: 07747 186670
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Woolpit Complementary
11 Brickfields Business Park
Old Stowmarket Road
Woolpit, Bury St Edmunds
Suffolk IP30 9QS

The Consulting Room
2 Back Hill, Ely
Cambridgeshire CB7 4BZ

Newsletter created by Mill House Media

Posted in Help to Thrive

28April

The Importance of Self Esteem

What everyone should know.

The Importance of Self Esteem

Self-esteem is perhaps the most under-valued part of what makes up our mental health. At worst, it can lead you to do things you’d never normally consider doing – poor relationship choice, drinking heavily and substance abuse are classic symptoms of low self-esteem – but at best it can propel you to achievements and courses of action that are immeasurably good for your well-being. Self-esteem is a powerful tool for good, or bad.

Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself. It’s your overall view of you as a person, good or bad. A self-critique, if you like. Naturally, if you have a negative view of yourself, your self-esteem will be low and you won’t be maximising the opportunities life throws at you. Apply for that dream job? No point, says the person with low self-esteem, you’ll never get it. And don’t even think about asking that person you like out for a drink!

But, developing and maintaining a strong self-esteem is entirely possible, even if you consider yourself a lifelong sufferer of low self-esteem. Although our self-esteem is a product of the recent experiences in life and the way we’ve processed them – negative experiences and a subsequent negative thought process will inevitably lead to low self-esteem - it is entirely possible to reprogram yourself into processing these experiences differently.

The key here is to recognise that low self-esteem isn’t due to the negative events, but the way we’ve processed them. Not getting a job you interviewed for might be a negative experience on the face of it, but it only becomes so when you’ve thought about it in such a way that it becomes a dent in our self-esteem: “I’m not good enough…” or “I’ll never get the job I want…” Now switch that around: “They’re missing out as I have lots to offer, and another company will recognise this soon…”

The example that has stuck in my mind since I completed the Thrive Programme, a lot of which is based around the issue of self-esteem, is that of a Vietnam War-era US pilot called Jim Stockdale. Stockdale was captured and held as POW for a number of years in terrible conditions with little hope for release, and you might think that these events had an irrevocably negative effect on his life.

However, in his own words: “I never lost faith in the end of the story, I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.” 

The way Stockdale processed these events is an extreme example, but shows that it’s often not the experience that has the damaging effect, but the thoughts processes that come along for the ride too. Change the process, change the outcome, change your self-esteem.

Stockdale retired a Vice Admiral in the 70s and went on to be a Vice-President candidate in the 90s. Do you think he could’ve done all this if suffering from low self-esteem borne out of his earlier experiences and being constantly reminded of them at home (he became quite famous when he returned)?

So, on a daily basis I pick out three things that really matter to me – family, work and personal life, for example – and take a few minutes to process the positive aspects of each one from the past two weeks (your self-esteem is roughly based on events, experiences and thought processes from this recent history).

For example, I went to help my sister in law as her mum has become very poorly – I process this as spending quality time with a much-loved person in my life. I’m even smiling as I write this, and I’ve just added another brick into my wall of self-esteem. But I also tried to sort out one of those pesky IT problems and failed miserably, again,  I could process this as a negative – a brick missing from my wall. Instead, I think of it as an opportunity to learn a new skill – a positive experience in anyone’s book. Brick added.

Think of your self-esteem as a wall, with positive thought processes  (even in the face of seemingly negative events) adding bricks and mortar to the wall, which underpins your general mental health. With each brick it becomes stronger, bigger - less prone to crumbling. You’re literally building self-esteem and all that goes along with it; confidence, self-worth, having a positive outlook. Generally thriving.

Understanding self-esteem is key in understanding yourself. Negative thought processes can leave your self-esteem in tatters, but using the above technique and others developed by Rob Kelly can empower you to take control of this aspect of your mental health. It’s not that difficult as your new way of thinking becomes your new habit as you process events in a way that adds to your self-esteem. Very soon that wall will be indestructible!

If you'd like have amazing self-esteem in just six weeks, then please call  me on 07747186670 or if you prefer email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. Im very happy to have a chat .

Kate

Posted in Help to Thrive

21November

As the saying goes, "Don't put off to tomorrow, what you can do today!"

Just do it!

How do you feel about yourself when you have something to do that you don't want to? You find yourself putting things time and time again. You most likely will be saying things like "I should be doing this" "I should be doing that". 
I was having the very same conversation with my trainee this morning. In fact we ended up about talking about cleaning the bathroom! Actually we could have been talking about lots of different things like making difficult phone calls, working on business plans, studying for exams or doing our tax returns. The same mind set applies to all of these situations, we expect to find it difficult either practically or emotionally. If we tend to think in absolute, black or white sort of terms, as my client was this morning, we tend to criticise ourselves readily and worry about not being able to get it all done. 
This morning we decided on " Just do it " and Little and often" as a useful strategies for my trainee.  
If you waste a lot of your valuable time putting things off that you really want to do for yourself, your family, friends or your business then give me a call now 07747186770 . I can show you how you can be more productive ..... and feel so much better about yourself.
http://addicted2success.com/…/how-to-turn-procrastination-…/

Posted in Help to Thrive

08April

Self Esteem as a Key to Weight Management

Thinking of summer? This will help be there person you want to be.

Are you on first name terms with your muffin-top? 

Bingo wings in a flap? 

Or on a mission to put on a few pounds and get back into the ‘healthy’ range?

Research shows that high self-esteem is significant in helping you to achieve weight-related goals. Psychologists believe it’s our reaction to setbacks that will determine our eventual success.

Posted in Help to Thrive

06August

I love listening to the radio

Its amazing what you learn just be listening

I was listening to my radio this afternoon and I caught a few moments of a programme called Inside Health on Radio 4 They were talking about how important it is for medical professionals to be curious about the reason why some interventions work and other don't and why things happen that cant be explained.

Posted in Help to Thrive

17March

A blog Kate Patterson

#12o'clock tips

You may have noticed that I regularly tweet  #12o'clock tips and I thought that it would be a good idea to add them here too. These tips are to be a gentle reminder of the things that you can do to make a difference to the way you live your life. They may be profound, they may be funny but they will always be useful. Enjoy!

Posted in Help to Thrive

18May

Does the weather affect your mood?

Thrive with Kate Patterson
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Does the weather affect your mood?

There's no doubt it's been a long, cold winter and the sight of the sun has made the nation giddy with excitement.

We often hear throwaway remarks like, 'the sun has cheered me up' or 'the winter makes me miserable', but there's a serious subtext behind them.

So, does the weather affect your mood?

 

 

Why do I ask?

Because when I'm determining if a new client believes they have any influence over things that happen to them in their lives, I ask them, 'Do the cold, dark winter months make you feel down and depressed?' I want to establish if they link their emotion to forces outside their control, and to explore the idea that they can take that power back.

I had a client once who was going to move his entire business to France because he linked miserable weather in Suffolk to his state of mind. He'd determined that his negative experience was down to location and that in Provence, he'd be blissfully happy. However, in the course of our conversation, I asked, 'Do you ever feel miserable in France?' Of course, the answer was 'Yes' because the choice to feel that way was his, and the weather had nothing to do with it. The result? Once he'd understood he had the power to choose his emotions, he decided not to move his life across the Channel.

Taking my own advice...

With that in mind, I've recently spent many hours training for a walking marathon by doing long, wet walks in the rain. Of course, it was a physical challenge, and the rain makes things a bit more difficult, but I'd approached it with positivity, focussing on the health benefits and how I was getting closer to my goal. Instead of finding it hard to march along in a downpour, I've come to quite enjoy it - and I know that I'm in control of my emotional experience, as well as the physical one.

What are you doing this week that you can approach in the same way? I'd love to hear about it, so feel free to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.or drop a post about it on my Facebook page.

If you need help...

If you need more help and advice on how best to manage difficult emotions, please call me on 07747 186670 or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. I'll show you how the Thrive Programme can teach you the skills to cope.

Dealing with depression

You may have heard that Coronation Street is currently exploring the tragic issue of male suicide through a storyline based on Aidan Connor. The message of this plot is to encourage men to talk about their problems and to reach out for help.

Given that male suicide is the most common killer of men under 45, I applaud the show for tackling such a tough issue.

If you are worried about yourself or someone in your life, please feel free to get in touch and we can talk through the ways in which licensed Thrive Consultants like me can support you. Help is here for you if you need it - please don't hesitate to ask.

Are you grieving right now?

Find a new perspective. Read more here...

Phobias can be cured

Read how I approach treating them.

Skype Sessions

Great news for people who want Thrive Programme™ consultations but can't meet face-to-face! I can now offer sessions via Skype.

Contact me for more information by calling 07747 186670 or...

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

 

 

T: 07747 186670
E: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Woolpit Complementary
11 Brickfields Business Park
Old Stowmarket Road
Woolpit, Bury St Edmunds
Suffolk IP30 9QS

The Consulting Room
2 Back Hill, Ely
Cambridgeshire CB7 4BZ

Newsletter created by Mill House Media

Posted in Help to Thrive

25September

What you say and think really does affect how you feel

Say what you mean for better mental health

Screen Shot 2015 06 02 at 13.06.43

Self talk: Use Your Inner Voice For Good!

How often does the voice in your head tell you off for something you’ve said or done? It’s no accident that the cliché goes: you are your own worst enemy. For many of us, that voice is harsher than any other – and when it tells you that you are stupid, embarrassing, useless or worthless, you believe it.

That is the power of self-talk.

Since you probably know how miserable and destructive this negative thinking is, imagine what it would feel like if you used your inner voice for good. Instead of sending you off in a spiral of negativity, how would it feel if your self-talk was positive, encouraging and motivating?

I work with clients every day who are on a journey to start thinking in a helpful way. First, you have to identify the kinds of negative thinking you are probably engaged in already. They include brooding, being obsessive, catastrophizing situations, being overly negative and demanding perfection from yourself. In fact, perfection is a good place to start because it’s counterproductive and stops you for having new experiences.

Imagine having to learn something new – whether its sewing or sky-diving or whatever. In learning, it’s almost impossible to be perfect from day one. But if you are hell-bent on being perfect at everything you do, the thought of trying something far outside your comfort zone fills you with fear. So you don’t do it.

It’s a terrible shame because you are missing out. When you make a mistake – whether it’s in trying something new or not – you will learn something. Mistakes are memorable experiences that help us learn and grow.

So, don’t listen to that negative voice inside your head. Break free, get out there and try something completely new. And when you inevitably make a mistake, make sure you tell yourself that this is how you learn and grow, and cheer yourself on to bigger and brighter things.

Words of wisdom

“You can’t get it right first time, every time. Life just isn’t like that.”

Albert Einstein.

If it’s good enough for the creator of modern physics, it’s good enough for us. Einstein proved what a human being can accomplish if they have the will to learn, make mistakes and the mental strength to push themselves forward. Why not follow in his exalted footsteps?

Posted in Help to Thrive

04May

A lifelong fear of birds resolved in a month!

A lifelong fear of birds resolved in a month!

Our Fears and Phobias can be debilitating but there is hope

 Here is Cecilia's story so far.....

I received this testimonial for a client Cecilia Holden recently who had a life long fear of birds. 

Two years ago she came to me because she knew that her own particular issues were getting in the way of her living a happy, fulfilled life and a successful business. We worked together through The Thrive Programme and the changes she made at the time was very good. She subsequently made the changes in her life that she wanted to, having felt unable to do this previously. Having done this she began to feel much better about herself.

However there was one thing that she hadn't felt able to tackle and that was her FEAR of BIRDS. 

Cecilia contacted me again recently and she said that she now wanted to do something about it. We had two Thrive sessions by Skype and you can hear in her words,the pride she has in her achievement.

I am extremely proud of her and the work that she has done. My pride however is minute in comparison to her own. 

Cecilia writes:

"Pretty much anyone who knows me has had to "deal with" a bird for me at some point, and maybe also stop me doing something stupid to xavoid a bird. Like screaming my head off or throwing someone at the bird or running into a 4 lane carriageway of traffic because I thought it was safer than the bird. This photo proves you really can best your phobias with Kate's help. Ok I don't look comfortable but hey, I'm still stood there aren't I? This photo was taken a month ago and I've been celebrating little victories ever since. Tonight I walked straight past a crow. Straight past it!!!!! I've got a big birthday this year and I have set myself a whole host of sporting goals to achieve before I hit 50. But beating this surpasses the lot of them. Thank you Kate, you're a legend. xxx

Posted in Help to Thrive

18February

What to do after Valentines Day

How to build your self esteem

As the excitement of Valentines day dwindles, the roses begin to fade, chocolates and wine have been consumed and relationships settle back into the everyday, I wonder how many are now feeling deflated, no longer feeling good about themselves, as life begins to look mundane once again. 
Phrases such as self esteem or self worth refer to how you feel about yourself. What difference would it make to you if you felt good about yourself every day. If you don't feel good about yourself but would like to, you can find some suggestions on ways to build your self esteem in my recent news letter. Kelly, R (2011) Thrive; Health, Happiness, Success 69- 85

Posted in Help to Thrive

08April

Mean what you say ....say what you mean!

Mind your Language

Oi! You! Mind your language! Wash your mouth out! 

No, not that sort of language… 

Learning to ‘mind your language’ is an important part of The Thrive Programme as it has a big impact on your mental wellbeing. 

When we change our words we can change our minds.

Even a friendly chat gives us a window onto your thoughts and beliefs.

Posted in Help to Thrive

21February

Have you ever thought of yourself as doing fine, but wish you could do a bit better?

 BY LISTENING TO OTHERS YOU CAN LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF

I am  regularly meeting people who are just like this. They are getting along with their lives doing all that they expect of themselves and all that they think others want them to do, but they just don't rate themselves at all. They will say things like, "oh I'm nothing special" or "well that's what dads do"

I am writing this whilst I am on the train. It's full of people going about their everyday lives. Some are business people, some retired on a day out. Others are mothers and children; it is half term and they are going to have an adventure.  There's a granny and there's a lady... She's on the phone and she is having a deep conversation with Jo. I don't like to eaves drop but it's difficult as she is sitting opposite me and speaking loudly.

Posted in Help to Thrive

29July

Its all to do with choice!

embrace for the day

Todays tweet is " #12oclocktip The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regrding the attitude we will embrace for the day" Charels Swindoll .

Born in 1938, Charles Swindoll became infuluential in his later life and is known for his work, "Insight for living". Interestingly Swindoll had a severe stammer when he was younger but got over it and became an acumplished musician as well as an oritor.

Posted in Help to Thrive

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Applied Positive Psychology

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